Funny how things work

           The Divine has a sense of what course you need to take, even if you don't have a clue.

            Some years back, I had a dear friend who called me weekly after my son died.

             She had retired from her usual working life and was selling fruits to local restaurants.

               This was hard, frustrating, physical work, and our relationship shifted considerably
           after a certain point to her having some much uncertainty and anger over all the things in her
           life she considered to be wrong. She became involved with what she thought would be a
           Spiritual leader for her in Native American/Christian combined practice. But, it became a
            disappointment both for her and other woman in his group. Enough said there.

             Bitter, unhappy, she became draining every time she called. Often first thing in the morning.

              Knowing how unhappy she was, and caring about her, I would listen. Friends do that, we all
               listen to each other's problems. For a time, I was also trying to deal with a family member,
               that became a fountain head of me the big sister/enabler until I just couldn't take any more.

               Both became my poster children of my going off the reservation in a manner.  I needed to
             Stop the drain of my emotional energy, my getting off the phone feeling like a vampire had
             sucked my blood dry. After performing a wedding, where my friend attended, and went into
             The details of her first marriage, how horrible the first husband was(I had heard it a hundred
             times) it was the last of it for me. I wrote her, told her I loved her, but then said she had a
              greatguy for her second husband, her children were going to be fine, her life was really
               doing fine,but I had to be honest, it was too much for me to hear over and over.

               The next four years went by, she never called, never wanted to address what I said.

                And for me, once again that which kept happening regularly in my life. Having to get past
                 all my childhood programming, but also be thankful for what it did for me, that
                was my homework.  One which took a long time to untangle for me. Discerning lending
                an ear to listen, or a hand to help. And telling if you were being an enabler, by ignoring
                the big picture surrounding that particular relationship.

                 Most of all of this I have gone into before. Been hard, on me, on the family that never
                 addresses what does go on.

                 So at 60 birthday party for a mutual long time friend of both of us, I run into my friend.
                  We talk. She has become happy, she&her husband are singing in a chorus together,
                   Her kids are happy, one is going to have his first baby, so she will become a grandmother.

                    I was truly happy, we even sang together in front of the gathering.

                   Eventually, she got back into real estate working with her son. Using her love of
                   land and ranches she found life more of a challenge, but a good thing.

                    I never had a hand in it, bumbling around sorting out what I was needing to
                    have in my own life.

                     But, well things worked out. We will get together for lunch, etc. Things are different
                   now.   We both got ourselves sorted out on our own.