So a Happy Spring Equinox to all on the road
Here we go, starting the tilt of the Northern pole towards the Sun.
I celebrated by planting some lovely Violas in a pot, cleaning out my chick pen in my feed shed and moving my six pullets down there. They have feathered out and will still have heat light at night, but are on the road to being a grown up hen.
Simple creatures chickens are, of the moment, they easily express happiness, bad moods and are very concerned with their place in the flock, but they don't let it rule their evey moment.
If it is a sunny day with good things to eat, that is all they need to live a happy life.
I also am drinking hard cider, ate some homemade cookies, and have decided to just sit and chill for a while. I am listening to a CD by a Richard Bartlett who teaches Matrix Energetics.
Most of what he says, I concur with. But am still working through it.
Anyway, I was guided to write a somewhat hard core email to some friends who seem to
well, linger on the worst case scenario when it comes to our future. Full of what is going on where to find truthful journalism about it. Kind of like telling a person they found cancer. Because it is cancer, of our governemt and our way of life.
And then I was guided to write an almost reverse email about stepping outside the box. And learning to live a life filled with joyful thinking and no worry and see what happens then. Both of these were for a reason. Just to see if they react to either one. Some people were family.
But to be honest, I really don't think most of them will read it. I came to a conclusion a few years back that my so called friends really aren't my friends. Only acquaintances. One or two
were closer to me before my son died. But since then, to be honest, death scares people, so they
tend to not to seek you out. My sister close to me in age has really been in the trenches with me through the whole process.
I was honest about having gone through hell in this email. It was something I had to, not that I realized that at the time. There were some who thought I should listen to all their problems instead, nattering on and on about the husband does this and the husband does that.
I have done that too, I am not perfect. Far from it, and very aware and happy about it.
But this was after my husband had cancer, after we had suffered through the loss of our son,
and the prostrate cancer changed us both. We held, but it was shaky for a while. He has sort of gone his own way in many regards, and after feeling abandoned, and complaining about it, I began to let go of all attachments to the outcome in our relationship. We have been together for
almost thirty-three years so I figured whatever would work. Not that there aren't skirmishes now and then.
I can stick up for myself, I can throw it back at him, but I just will not put control measures
to our marriage. If I do not like something, he knows, if I don't want to do something ditto. Our time together is good overall, but then one is always having to work with flow of the relationship.
But most of life is that way.
My homework again.
But in this email today I expressed a fact that I never have. The fact that people dropped
their baggage on me when I was trying to live through my own suffering.
And I will bet that I will never hear from any of them on this issue. Because I represent something they are uncomfortable with. Not an everyday sort of person, because in the process of screaming at the Universe/God/Goddess/Field of Existence for what happened to me, I got
answered back. And I had to learn to forgive, forgive the doctor who gave my son a anti-depressant for his runners stitch. For my husbands cancer, for ending up feeling like all my friends had deserted me, except for one, and she was the one who I thought I could help. And can't. I ended up mired in endless loops of emotional reruns, tired, pissy, guilty because she is a friend, and I should have been more supportive, then pissed off again. Very non productive.
And an relationship that had some long hard homework involved, about me, not her. My giving
help, and not getting it that it wasn't going to work, untill I finished the course and got it. Took a while. I am slow sometimes. I tend to let people use me as a listening post, ok, but not in that way, with no resolution and moving on.
Before all this happend in my life, I taught Reiki, and it was very much the helping of people that I was tuned into. I had gone to massage school to expand my methods of helping
people that would lead to comfort and healing to the people needing more than I could give them as a Reiki practioner. I was kind of popular giving out free massages doing my homework during that time period.
Then I was crushed, angry, broken, and it took all I could muster to help other people,
After a while I stopped, and there where those who seemed to drift away since I wasn't doing
massage. My memory was fuzzy, a result of trying to keep up with my way of life, trying to give others comfort, but not taking care of myself.
I finally sought help, in the form of a very old English lady who was a energy healer.
She worked with me to allow myself to really let loose the tightly held emotional energy that
eventually would have manufested in a physical illness. I suffered from falls, injuring a knee,
and there were things that pointed to too much emotional distress not shown to anyone else.
People were more comfortable with me this way, not that I was comfortable with it. Being an empath, I was very aware of it. Oh she's ok now, good, back to normal, etc. Not so.
And after this long process of seeing an energy healer, dumping any notions of knowing
everything about what goes on with grieving for the deceased, and learning to forgive and love myself, here I am.
With my guides in tow, And oh yeah, everyone has them, I am just up front about them.
Believe me that has marked me for a clearance zone around me. And to make it worse, when I tell people the names of their main guide, it is like it is comforting in a way, but they never want to do the work of learning to communicate. I have gotten to the conclusion that when it comes to gaining spiritual ground most people want instant gratification. So I have gotten a bit of an attitude about that. My guide Van really doesn't like for some people to keep asking me to ask him questions. Not when their own guides are standing right there. Sadly I find most folks I know just can't drop their preoccupation with their everyday dramas long enough to do the work.
But not to worry, I have the company of others who have come to the same spot, via different roads, but here with me on the trail to the future. Who know their guides too.
It has been Metamorphis. For all of us who have come here to do whatever it is we are
guided to do. So in this new spring I hope that if you are traveling on this same road, as a star
seed , light worker,gridholder, frequency keeper, or just struggling with your life, as hard as it may seem. All I can say is learn to have absolute faith and trust in your own process. And don't expect a cakewalk. But you will make it.
For all of us who are waiting for you , we understand and will be happy to have you join us on the journey.
I celebrated by planting some lovely Violas in a pot, cleaning out my chick pen in my feed shed and moving my six pullets down there. They have feathered out and will still have heat light at night, but are on the road to being a grown up hen.
Simple creatures chickens are, of the moment, they easily express happiness, bad moods and are very concerned with their place in the flock, but they don't let it rule their evey moment.
If it is a sunny day with good things to eat, that is all they need to live a happy life.
I also am drinking hard cider, ate some homemade cookies, and have decided to just sit and chill for a while. I am listening to a CD by a Richard Bartlett who teaches Matrix Energetics.
Most of what he says, I concur with. But am still working through it.
Anyway, I was guided to write a somewhat hard core email to some friends who seem to
well, linger on the worst case scenario when it comes to our future. Full of what is going on where to find truthful journalism about it. Kind of like telling a person they found cancer. Because it is cancer, of our governemt and our way of life.
And then I was guided to write an almost reverse email about stepping outside the box. And learning to live a life filled with joyful thinking and no worry and see what happens then. Both of these were for a reason. Just to see if they react to either one. Some people were family.
But to be honest, I really don't think most of them will read it. I came to a conclusion a few years back that my so called friends really aren't my friends. Only acquaintances. One or two
were closer to me before my son died. But since then, to be honest, death scares people, so they
tend to not to seek you out. My sister close to me in age has really been in the trenches with me through the whole process.
I was honest about having gone through hell in this email. It was something I had to, not that I realized that at the time. There were some who thought I should listen to all their problems instead, nattering on and on about the husband does this and the husband does that.
I have done that too, I am not perfect. Far from it, and very aware and happy about it.
But this was after my husband had cancer, after we had suffered through the loss of our son,
and the prostrate cancer changed us both. We held, but it was shaky for a while. He has sort of gone his own way in many regards, and after feeling abandoned, and complaining about it, I began to let go of all attachments to the outcome in our relationship. We have been together for
almost thirty-three years so I figured whatever would work. Not that there aren't skirmishes now and then.
I can stick up for myself, I can throw it back at him, but I just will not put control measures
to our marriage. If I do not like something, he knows, if I don't want to do something ditto. Our time together is good overall, but then one is always having to work with flow of the relationship.
But most of life is that way.
My homework again.
But in this email today I expressed a fact that I never have. The fact that people dropped
their baggage on me when I was trying to live through my own suffering.
And I will bet that I will never hear from any of them on this issue. Because I represent something they are uncomfortable with. Not an everyday sort of person, because in the process of screaming at the Universe/God/Goddess/Field of Existence for what happened to me, I got
answered back. And I had to learn to forgive, forgive the doctor who gave my son a anti-depressant for his runners stitch. For my husbands cancer, for ending up feeling like all my friends had deserted me, except for one, and she was the one who I thought I could help. And can't. I ended up mired in endless loops of emotional reruns, tired, pissy, guilty because she is a friend, and I should have been more supportive, then pissed off again. Very non productive.
And an relationship that had some long hard homework involved, about me, not her. My giving
help, and not getting it that it wasn't going to work, untill I finished the course and got it. Took a while. I am slow sometimes. I tend to let people use me as a listening post, ok, but not in that way, with no resolution and moving on.
Before all this happend in my life, I taught Reiki, and it was very much the helping of people that I was tuned into. I had gone to massage school to expand my methods of helping
people that would lead to comfort and healing to the people needing more than I could give them as a Reiki practioner. I was kind of popular giving out free massages doing my homework during that time period.
Then I was crushed, angry, broken, and it took all I could muster to help other people,
After a while I stopped, and there where those who seemed to drift away since I wasn't doing
massage. My memory was fuzzy, a result of trying to keep up with my way of life, trying to give others comfort, but not taking care of myself.
I finally sought help, in the form of a very old English lady who was a energy healer.
She worked with me to allow myself to really let loose the tightly held emotional energy that
eventually would have manufested in a physical illness. I suffered from falls, injuring a knee,
and there were things that pointed to too much emotional distress not shown to anyone else.
People were more comfortable with me this way, not that I was comfortable with it. Being an empath, I was very aware of it. Oh she's ok now, good, back to normal, etc. Not so.
And after this long process of seeing an energy healer, dumping any notions of knowing
everything about what goes on with grieving for the deceased, and learning to forgive and love myself, here I am.
With my guides in tow, And oh yeah, everyone has them, I am just up front about them.
Believe me that has marked me for a clearance zone around me. And to make it worse, when I tell people the names of their main guide, it is like it is comforting in a way, but they never want to do the work of learning to communicate. I have gotten to the conclusion that when it comes to gaining spiritual ground most people want instant gratification. So I have gotten a bit of an attitude about that. My guide Van really doesn't like for some people to keep asking me to ask him questions. Not when their own guides are standing right there. Sadly I find most folks I know just can't drop their preoccupation with their everyday dramas long enough to do the work.
But not to worry, I have the company of others who have come to the same spot, via different roads, but here with me on the trail to the future. Who know their guides too.
It has been Metamorphis. For all of us who have come here to do whatever it is we are
guided to do. So in this new spring I hope that if you are traveling on this same road, as a star
seed , light worker,gridholder, frequency keeper, or just struggling with your life, as hard as it may seem. All I can say is learn to have absolute faith and trust in your own process. And don't expect a cakewalk. But you will make it.
For all of us who are waiting for you , we understand and will be happy to have you join us on the journey.
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