Taking care of your energy field and recognising signs of depletion, and people who drain you.
Sounds like a manual for some electronic gadget, and replacing the batteries doesn't it?
Well sort of, but in this case it is your energy field and how sometimes you can find yourself in situations, usually with the best of intentions, that end up sending you to bed, or at the very least looking for a bottle of B-12 vitamins to give you a boost.
And if you don't remember how to shield yourself, please review the chapter on wrapping yourself in your field, and how to use the exercises I have written down to strengthen it.
But I will say now, often we go forth into relationships that on a normal note we blend our fields with that person, either a lover, or a dear friend, and we shine with a good interaction. Our hearts grow strong and open with love when we have these fantastic interchanges with others, and we feel this connection in our souls.
But if that interaction leaves you feeling tired and drained, then as I have lately come to believe, it is vital to your health to withdraw for a while, and maybe on a permanent basis. Either that or you limit your exposure with a strong shield in place and wish them well, but stay the hell away as much as you can.
By nature I seem to be drawn to help people, sometimes with this great result, not for my own ego, but because I myself have needed help during periods of my life, so I know what it is like.
But I have found out that isn't always true, and just recently I got a pretty thorough description of how people who are energy vampires operate.
I was listening to a recorded lecture by a well known pyschiatrist, who is also a well know pyschic. She was explaining how to care for one's energy and her listing out the behaviors of various types of energy vampires hit home for me.
I was dealing with someone who is what she called a "sob sister". On and on goes the complaining, never seems to end, with excessive talking, same thing every time I would talk to her on the phone. I couldn't break free of the cycle.
Now this person is perfectly capable of intelligent conversation about stimulating subjects that both she and I found interesting to talk about. She had been the only one of my friends who called me on a regular basis after my son died. I needed a friend who could listen to me work through so many emotional issues, often past ones, down deep I felt a bit abandoned by people I had thought were my friends too, and it hurt me.
But it began to change rather quickly, she would shift over quickly to complaining about her family, other people, and it would really never change in tone. Just this droaning on and on over what they were doing wrong, how her ex-husband wronged her over 20 years ago, and toss in some really racist remarks and marked prejudiced towards gay people. I would say this or that to tell her I didn't feel that way, but she would plow me down like a bulldozer and repeat herself.
I would get off the phone, upset and tired, really tired. I would take breaks from her for a month or two, then try it again. Sometimes even going somewhere with her, lunch, or a movie, coffee etc. And it would just escalate. In public it was worse, she seemed to have no shame in her remarks.
So I gave up trying. The last two years I pulled back, and stopped making an effort.
She found someone else to talk to, even went on a trip to England with this person. For a while I had hoped this would divert her from her complaining to me. But no, it did not.
I performed a wedding, she and her husband attended, the reception was nice. The food was lovely, the couple were too, and she sat next to me and complained about the roast pig, how it put her sideways. Then proceeded to complain about her trip to England and the English people and to be honest, I don't remember the rest. I glazed over, and then decided to just try and make the best out of it. And left after about an hour to go home. Just couldn't fake the smile anymore, and slipped away.
Really exhausted. The work and joy of performing the ceremony for these lovely young people dimmed by having to listen to her complaints. No matter how I kept trying to be light about everything she said.
It was then I came to realize that I just couldn't do it anymore. She called two weeks later and left this strange whiny guilt tripping message on the answering machine. I emailed her, and explained that my sister in law was seriously ill, I had been at my father and mothers, and then tried to explain to her that I just could not deal with her complaining issues and never resolving anything she complained about with her children, husband, sister, and friends. And all of this I told her was not an excuse, but truth. As straight as I could express it, plus how my guides felt, as she was always asking me to ask my guides this or that. And I tried to put it down in writing without rancor or accusation.
She responded with a short email about her back hurting her that day, so she sounded strange. It wasn't just the sound of her voice but what she had said. And then I came to realize I needed to really and seriously pull back out of the relationship. She simply ignored everything else I had expressed to her, as if it didn't matter at all. And that was the crux of it.
She wanted to be in control and that meant to her, she should be able to talk about all problems and complaints she had with others each time we were either on the phone or in person.The same things everytime. She just had to have that role, no matter what. The dynamics of our relationship had shifted early on, and since I was a good listener, it seemed locked in place.
I was always making excuses about how it had gotten so out of whack, like she may have been developing dementia, not eating right, etc. That she had been a true friend and I couldn't ditch out on her, and realised I was not owning up and had been whimpy from the start.
What I didn't realize at the time is that a energy vampire needs that sympathetic ear to validate their behavior, which I was doing, even if I tried to speak out, she just was focused on validation of her own emotional drama, over and over and over.
I should have put my foot down, very firmly when she went into her act. I would say things to express my feelings, but not firmly enough. What I should have said is I do not want to talk about this, nor do I want to hear it at any other time. I do not enjoy it, I do not feel that way about other people, etc. Don't call me until you resolve your problems with this and that persons. I had not done myself any favors by letting it go on and making excuses.
Now I think most of us have had this sort of relationshipe somewhere in their life.
Sometimes it is a relative, and then that does get tricky.
As I listened to the lecture on energy vampires, she pointed out that parents can be real button pushers, so can kids. Then for the sake of the relationship, some kind of dialogue needs to be addressed. Without confrontation. And that is not easy to do. But it has to be resolved or let go for your own sake. Moving on with them or without them.
As I so often say, we all have our homework to do. Not everyone is going to love us for trying to look out for our selves and keep our own energy fields intact. That is the hard part of having to take some actions to resolve problems with others.
And believe me, being honest most likely won't win any medals. BUT, to your own self be true. And this is not being selfish, it is only self protection.
After my attempt to be honest in a straight forward but distant way with this friend, I had to go over various scenarios that could have occured based on past experiences. My work was to untangle a lot of interactions with her and sort out my own emotions, then try to come up with how I could have done a better approach.
How could I have engaged her in conversation where I would make her understand I was not having a good interaction with her and felt drained. I really could only come up with
putting it in writing so she wouldn't talk over the top of me. It was like being run down by a car kind of feeling.
Some of my reaction was based on an attempt last year to take her to a dayspa for her birthday gift. I had to postpone it for a couple of weeks after Thanksgiving, then she canceled on me, declined the gift by telling me in a odd tone that she had heard there was a nude public pool, (there was, but not in the part we were going to be) and in a voice that just talked down to me told me to go and enjoy it all by myself, DEAR. YOU NEED IT.
So, when dealing with people, it really is important to take stock of how you actually feel physically. After a couple of hours, I came to realize that I had been very tense, drained, angry at first. But then I came to feel a huge amount of relief. How and why was that?
Because I had been very tense about the way the whole thing had gone south right from the time I had made the offer of a birthday present out of the dayspa. And since I had a gift card for it, suddenly options began to open up with the relief that I came to feel. Options that didn't involve this huge drama queen repeating all her drama with no end in sight. It was a revelation.
Keeping in touch with your emotions and understanding that how you feel is a direct reflection back from your emotional body(part of your energy field). Learning to keep sounding yourself out can teach you to self check when someone does leave you feeling drained, out of sorts, angry, basically anything negative that you come away with after spending time with another person.
OR anything great, this is important to look for too. This will actually aid you in your intuitive abilities once you come to learn to shield yourself, but also can learn to expand a bit to the other person to "feel" them out. What you may be feeling may not be your own field, but theirs. Could be good, could be not good. Feel yourself out to learn the difference between the two. Uplifted or drained? Angry or happy, overwhelmed or level and strong. Them or you?
At any rate, I am still hanging back, and having to remind myself of all the things this person I learned a lot on the homework front did and said. And how I felt each time. I did try again twice more with her, same results. More draining drama, vampire style.
Each time I feel guilty, I remind myself to love myself and if I don't think I can handle it right now, then I don't need to put myself out on her behalf. I remind myself over and over of this. She has not been trying too hard to contact me either. I do believethat my finally telling her how I was feeling was not to her liking. She likes to be in control of a conversation, and situations and it is what it is with her. It offers her the validation she has to have a lot of.
Sometimes learning to listen to people who really do care about you, who may see things you do not is a good thing. My husband has seen this going on for the last six years and often asked me how I could deal with this female friend, she drove everyone around her crazy. And I would sometimes stick up for her, though not much the last two years.
When you find yourself in a similar spot, disengage quickly. Then when alone, put your hand on your heart, and breathe following each breath in and out. Check in with yourself, how do you feel? If it is fairly drained keep breathing, go home, or if home, eat something, take a shower, then find a distraction. Something you like, music, tv, movie, or someone who give you a smile. Seriously. Believe it when your heart is feeling small and tight, it will eventually affect your health after a point.
Then when you feel better, work on building up your energy field, and deciding whether or not this person is good for you to be around. If you want to try talking to them, then how and what are you going to say, and can you be firm?
My homework is learning to push past my not wanting to hurt someone else's feelings when mine are leveling me to the ground. Standing up and facing the fear of rejection.
Rejection has left me feeling better in this case, oddly enough. Ahhhh Homework, did I really decide to do a term paper on this or what!
Well sort of, but in this case it is your energy field and how sometimes you can find yourself in situations, usually with the best of intentions, that end up sending you to bed, or at the very least looking for a bottle of B-12 vitamins to give you a boost.
And if you don't remember how to shield yourself, please review the chapter on wrapping yourself in your field, and how to use the exercises I have written down to strengthen it.
But I will say now, often we go forth into relationships that on a normal note we blend our fields with that person, either a lover, or a dear friend, and we shine with a good interaction. Our hearts grow strong and open with love when we have these fantastic interchanges with others, and we feel this connection in our souls.
But if that interaction leaves you feeling tired and drained, then as I have lately come to believe, it is vital to your health to withdraw for a while, and maybe on a permanent basis. Either that or you limit your exposure with a strong shield in place and wish them well, but stay the hell away as much as you can.
By nature I seem to be drawn to help people, sometimes with this great result, not for my own ego, but because I myself have needed help during periods of my life, so I know what it is like.
But I have found out that isn't always true, and just recently I got a pretty thorough description of how people who are energy vampires operate.
I was listening to a recorded lecture by a well known pyschiatrist, who is also a well know pyschic. She was explaining how to care for one's energy and her listing out the behaviors of various types of energy vampires hit home for me.
I was dealing with someone who is what she called a "sob sister". On and on goes the complaining, never seems to end, with excessive talking, same thing every time I would talk to her on the phone. I couldn't break free of the cycle.
Now this person is perfectly capable of intelligent conversation about stimulating subjects that both she and I found interesting to talk about. She had been the only one of my friends who called me on a regular basis after my son died. I needed a friend who could listen to me work through so many emotional issues, often past ones, down deep I felt a bit abandoned by people I had thought were my friends too, and it hurt me.
But it began to change rather quickly, she would shift over quickly to complaining about her family, other people, and it would really never change in tone. Just this droaning on and on over what they were doing wrong, how her ex-husband wronged her over 20 years ago, and toss in some really racist remarks and marked prejudiced towards gay people. I would say this or that to tell her I didn't feel that way, but she would plow me down like a bulldozer and repeat herself.
I would get off the phone, upset and tired, really tired. I would take breaks from her for a month or two, then try it again. Sometimes even going somewhere with her, lunch, or a movie, coffee etc. And it would just escalate. In public it was worse, she seemed to have no shame in her remarks.
So I gave up trying. The last two years I pulled back, and stopped making an effort.
She found someone else to talk to, even went on a trip to England with this person. For a while I had hoped this would divert her from her complaining to me. But no, it did not.
I performed a wedding, she and her husband attended, the reception was nice. The food was lovely, the couple were too, and she sat next to me and complained about the roast pig, how it put her sideways. Then proceeded to complain about her trip to England and the English people and to be honest, I don't remember the rest. I glazed over, and then decided to just try and make the best out of it. And left after about an hour to go home. Just couldn't fake the smile anymore, and slipped away.
Really exhausted. The work and joy of performing the ceremony for these lovely young people dimmed by having to listen to her complaints. No matter how I kept trying to be light about everything she said.
It was then I came to realize that I just couldn't do it anymore. She called two weeks later and left this strange whiny guilt tripping message on the answering machine. I emailed her, and explained that my sister in law was seriously ill, I had been at my father and mothers, and then tried to explain to her that I just could not deal with her complaining issues and never resolving anything she complained about with her children, husband, sister, and friends. And all of this I told her was not an excuse, but truth. As straight as I could express it, plus how my guides felt, as she was always asking me to ask my guides this or that. And I tried to put it down in writing without rancor or accusation.
She responded with a short email about her back hurting her that day, so she sounded strange. It wasn't just the sound of her voice but what she had said. And then I came to realize I needed to really and seriously pull back out of the relationship. She simply ignored everything else I had expressed to her, as if it didn't matter at all. And that was the crux of it.
She wanted to be in control and that meant to her, she should be able to talk about all problems and complaints she had with others each time we were either on the phone or in person.The same things everytime. She just had to have that role, no matter what. The dynamics of our relationship had shifted early on, and since I was a good listener, it seemed locked in place.
I was always making excuses about how it had gotten so out of whack, like she may have been developing dementia, not eating right, etc. That she had been a true friend and I couldn't ditch out on her, and realised I was not owning up and had been whimpy from the start.
What I didn't realize at the time is that a energy vampire needs that sympathetic ear to validate their behavior, which I was doing, even if I tried to speak out, she just was focused on validation of her own emotional drama, over and over and over.
I should have put my foot down, very firmly when she went into her act. I would say things to express my feelings, but not firmly enough. What I should have said is I do not want to talk about this, nor do I want to hear it at any other time. I do not enjoy it, I do not feel that way about other people, etc. Don't call me until you resolve your problems with this and that persons. I had not done myself any favors by letting it go on and making excuses.
Now I think most of us have had this sort of relationshipe somewhere in their life.
Sometimes it is a relative, and then that does get tricky.
As I listened to the lecture on energy vampires, she pointed out that parents can be real button pushers, so can kids. Then for the sake of the relationship, some kind of dialogue needs to be addressed. Without confrontation. And that is not easy to do. But it has to be resolved or let go for your own sake. Moving on with them or without them.
As I so often say, we all have our homework to do. Not everyone is going to love us for trying to look out for our selves and keep our own energy fields intact. That is the hard part of having to take some actions to resolve problems with others.
And believe me, being honest most likely won't win any medals. BUT, to your own self be true. And this is not being selfish, it is only self protection.
After my attempt to be honest in a straight forward but distant way with this friend, I had to go over various scenarios that could have occured based on past experiences. My work was to untangle a lot of interactions with her and sort out my own emotions, then try to come up with how I could have done a better approach.
How could I have engaged her in conversation where I would make her understand I was not having a good interaction with her and felt drained. I really could only come up with
putting it in writing so she wouldn't talk over the top of me. It was like being run down by a car kind of feeling.
Some of my reaction was based on an attempt last year to take her to a dayspa for her birthday gift. I had to postpone it for a couple of weeks after Thanksgiving, then she canceled on me, declined the gift by telling me in a odd tone that she had heard there was a nude public pool, (there was, but not in the part we were going to be) and in a voice that just talked down to me told me to go and enjoy it all by myself, DEAR. YOU NEED IT.
So, when dealing with people, it really is important to take stock of how you actually feel physically. After a couple of hours, I came to realize that I had been very tense, drained, angry at first. But then I came to feel a huge amount of relief. How and why was that?
Because I had been very tense about the way the whole thing had gone south right from the time I had made the offer of a birthday present out of the dayspa. And since I had a gift card for it, suddenly options began to open up with the relief that I came to feel. Options that didn't involve this huge drama queen repeating all her drama with no end in sight. It was a revelation.
Keeping in touch with your emotions and understanding that how you feel is a direct reflection back from your emotional body(part of your energy field). Learning to keep sounding yourself out can teach you to self check when someone does leave you feeling drained, out of sorts, angry, basically anything negative that you come away with after spending time with another person.
OR anything great, this is important to look for too. This will actually aid you in your intuitive abilities once you come to learn to shield yourself, but also can learn to expand a bit to the other person to "feel" them out. What you may be feeling may not be your own field, but theirs. Could be good, could be not good. Feel yourself out to learn the difference between the two. Uplifted or drained? Angry or happy, overwhelmed or level and strong. Them or you?
At any rate, I am still hanging back, and having to remind myself of all the things this person I learned a lot on the homework front did and said. And how I felt each time. I did try again twice more with her, same results. More draining drama, vampire style.
Each time I feel guilty, I remind myself to love myself and if I don't think I can handle it right now, then I don't need to put myself out on her behalf. I remind myself over and over of this. She has not been trying too hard to contact me either. I do believethat my finally telling her how I was feeling was not to her liking. She likes to be in control of a conversation, and situations and it is what it is with her. It offers her the validation she has to have a lot of.
Sometimes learning to listen to people who really do care about you, who may see things you do not is a good thing. My husband has seen this going on for the last six years and often asked me how I could deal with this female friend, she drove everyone around her crazy. And I would sometimes stick up for her, though not much the last two years.
When you find yourself in a similar spot, disengage quickly. Then when alone, put your hand on your heart, and breathe following each breath in and out. Check in with yourself, how do you feel? If it is fairly drained keep breathing, go home, or if home, eat something, take a shower, then find a distraction. Something you like, music, tv, movie, or someone who give you a smile. Seriously. Believe it when your heart is feeling small and tight, it will eventually affect your health after a point.
Then when you feel better, work on building up your energy field, and deciding whether or not this person is good for you to be around. If you want to try talking to them, then how and what are you going to say, and can you be firm?
My homework is learning to push past my not wanting to hurt someone else's feelings when mine are leveling me to the ground. Standing up and facing the fear of rejection.
Rejection has left me feeling better in this case, oddly enough. Ahhhh Homework, did I really decide to do a term paper on this or what!
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