Owning a lonely Heart
These are troubled times. Presently things are actually going as planned, which may be tough for so many to understand.
The key to getting through is to not be afraid. And there is a lot that makes people fear.
Fear can kill any kind of growth, and growth is what this whole planet is having to go through.
The knocking down of all old systems that have trapped humans, we have been made to feel we have no choices at all, no free will. To simply accept that things are out of our control, that if the whole controlled lifestyle we have been made to accept falls into ruin and chaos we will perish. We have given up all our control over to this old order, even our own ability to self heal, we allow established medical order to tell us we are helpless, poison us with their drugs, kill us off by the thousands with their very efficient means of doing so instead of healing us. Every now and then a human survives and they go oh look this worked. But in the meantime so many more die, or are living a life of poor health and paying a fortune to do so. Is this the kind of world you want your loved ones to live in?
Allow the winds of change to blow through you. Be open to it, for as you do, if you are open enough, the truth will become evident. If you do not and live and cower in fear, then mankind will have a hard time of it. The old order of controllers will win.
This statement makes me seem very off the wall, I know.
And often, I feel pretty lonely about it. There of a lot of others out there just like me.
Here to state what is actually going on, here to try and bring some sense to this series of events that are occuring at this point in time.
I also struggle with trying to keep a open hearted approach to all of it, and keep clearing my emotions as they come up. Not easy. My constant self talk to myself is about this.
I find having someone who is of like mind to talk to a comfort. But even there this can be difficult. Loved ones often just go into denial about this ongoing onslaught of fear inducing
events. My husband for instance. He simply won't even believe or really give me credence. I don't need the credence part, but it would be nice not to be scoffed at. It can make you question yourself, when you know damned well what you know is right on. Self esteem struggles.
I tell him at the first of the year, that it will be a tough one, and he sneers. I tell him that fuel prices will really go up and it will hammer at our fragile ecomony, he scoffs.
Yesterday, he was outraged and angry that fuel prices have risen. I didn't like saying, I told you so. I tempered what I said for his sake. And mine. Do I want to be angry with him?
You bet I did. But I just felt resigned at that point. Our relationship is strained enough. Not all his fault of course. I share the blame too.
I have not made a lot of inroads into trying to get him to understand or accept me in the areas that would have improved our thirty plus years of marriage. I often feel he goes from acting like he is indulging a half crazy wife to worrying about if the half crazy wife is going to leave him at some point. Either way he makes comments, gets nasty, wants to spend a lot of time doing what he wants, without me along.
Emotionally, this is a bit of a roller coaster ride for me, and it is exhausting.
I sat this morning and wondered how many millions of couples out there are going through the same pattern. Some people stay in relationships due to financial stability coupled with simply having someone to keep them from being lonely.
But in the end you can end up being lonely despite your best efforts. And often times feeling like you have no respect from the other person. Some relationships can get very lopsided with one person constantly taking from the other one. Emotional abuse can extract a heavy toll, one mental health person wrote a book on this calling it 'Gaslighting'.
Bullying, guilt tripping, manipulating the other partner can go on for years. There can be this terrible controlling drive that is an addiction for the abusive partner, which you have to feel for them, but not let it drag you down either. There is always something in the childhood of a control freak that makes them that way. Their homework is to come to terms with it.
Oh there can be good times, I won't guestion that, but it always comes down to this
total lack of compassion for what is done to the person who gets the abuse. So the abused have to learn to fight, to stand up and make it by learning strength of spirit. Not all of us out there have bruises, we don't get hit, but we do suffer as well. But we can get tough.
I have had to fight very hard to keep myself standing my ground. I work hard, I have fought with myself to stay. I own the house and land, and I have had to push to simply keep what I wanted here on track, and it has taken years and years, three decades to have better living conditions here, a place for a garden, dependable water, etc. But most people who know us, would have never guessed. I don't bitch about how it has been, not much.
At a couple of junctions in time, I was ready to throw in the towel. But I think having the events flow as they did, tossing me into the dark night of the soul, and then meeting my guides and being shown Love and what is to be gave me strength.
A gal who is kind of one of the 'newscasters' for the off planet groups who are watching all of this and us, stated that so many of us who are here as starseeds are still struggling with Emotional Clearing. I would say YES to that. We are, it is our homework. But it just never seems to stop, the final exam here is tough.
We are here, fully awake and aware, a huge amount of us, knowing what is going on, trying to be wayshowers, the steady ones, not trying to be someone's hero to save them, but to say stuff, like don't let fear drive your behavior.
And it is damned lonely. The Pledieans say we should not seek each other out and just hang out with only ourselves at this point, but to be immersed in humanity and let our
souls hold a frequency of Love. I am trying, I am trying, but my Heart just feel really damned lonely at this point.
My husband who is a major league 'gaslighter' managed to make a very happy loving friendship I have with another man into a awkward and stilted feeling affair.
Before this we spent time here and there alone, talking about the hows and why of what is going on in the Universe and on this planet.
I won't say how, but even if my husband doesn't conciously think on the whys and the hows of his behavior, there is a purpose to what he does. End result, I think this man is afraid to be alone with me. Why, because we enjoy spending time talking and the same things, I feel he is also another starseed, not fully awake but almost. But my husband didn't like it. He kept making comments. Doesn't matter that he does the same thing almost constantly with his woman friends.
So after a very stilted phone conversation, and my added confusion as to when he was coming on a certain day, due to the fact his girlfriend had made it sound like he was coming earlier. I only wanted to give a message about opening a gate. I got off the phone and felt a whole emotional image hit me.
I kind of got the impression he didn't want to be here with me without his girlfriend. And we had some road building planning to go over. I got tagged with it by my husband, but he couldn't be present, so he added another complication to the whole project, one I have never even known about. Neither did my friend. It amounted to more time spent walking around looking at this work. His girlfriend isn't in to walking too much. So I felt kind of confused on both counts.
Added to that, he had assured me that what my husband had said won't change his feelings about our friendship, or his with my husband. But that is not what I got out of my image.
I cried. Out of sheer frustration, and the knowledge that he feels uncomfortable alone with me. Because of what my husband said. Made a point of doing and saying.
So now I wonder on this part of my homework, how do I deal with this one?
I don't want things to be ackward, we need to get past this, I don't want to get into this sad little situation of feeling lost and not knowing what to do about it. He can't have his girlfriend here all the time he is working on the road.
I looked forward to talking, we have a lot there to talk about. His girlfriend, who I am very fond of, isn't too interested in a lot of it. Obviously neither is my spouse. But I never saw this one coming, and I was upset and now I am lost as to what to do. If he only feels comfortable with his girlfriend around when we are together, then my husband got his mission accomplished, in a very passive agressive action.
So back to the communicating with my guides at this point. And in the space of one short week, I have had other homework and advice giving surface. Along with it the knowledge that this period of time and all the upheaval will indeed shake many things loose. I hear and see so many things that make me so sad, but I know necessary for that person's growth. And I came to see for my growth too. Long hard looks are needed.
With myself, with others. I am mulling this over deeply. Sitting and smoking and being open to the guides, listening to them, trying to work with my own Heart, keeping it open, not allowing anger to enter and take over, not letting fear drive me into poor choices. But also being very objective and tough in my going over matters.
And at this point, I have to say being both a intuitive empath and a wide open pyschic can be a bitch. No going back, the guides are laughing. They say they thought I wanted this, I say, no, I wanted help learning to control it, to stop the onslaught of thoughts, images, and feelings that would floor me at times. What I got is way too much information, all the damned time.
Always knowing things ain't so great, let me tell you. I do so want to surround myself with others exactly like me and stay that way.
So for the time being, all I will say is for the rest of this year, have a plan for
yourself. States will continue to fall down with budget shortages, have yourself a thought for that. Food will go up in price. As I have previously stated, think on growing some produce, have some dry non perishable items stored, find ways to include some emergency survival items in your budget, make plans with family. Remember this could be a longer term emergency, so lots of items to heat and cook with, batteries for portable lighting, candles, matches, water. Some of you out there are dependent on almost everything else. Plan on camping out and looking out for your selves and your family, and hopefully extended family. This is safety in numbers I am
speaking of. The road is going to get bumpier. Trying to drive in a car will get more expensive on that road, so think of other ways to get around. Short trips for essentials might have to be only local. Such a catch word, think local, buy local, but a good one.
Work on your emotional health, don't blame others for what is going on, they are as at the mercy of it all as you are. Use your common sense, and try to keep your heart open.
Remember if you do not let fear drag you down, you can still say what you want, still see what you want while you are being frugal, and getting through this.
Love is the ultimate key here, think on it as much as you can. I am. My heart may be feeling a little sad and lonely right now, but it can still Love.
The key to getting through is to not be afraid. And there is a lot that makes people fear.
Fear can kill any kind of growth, and growth is what this whole planet is having to go through.
The knocking down of all old systems that have trapped humans, we have been made to feel we have no choices at all, no free will. To simply accept that things are out of our control, that if the whole controlled lifestyle we have been made to accept falls into ruin and chaos we will perish. We have given up all our control over to this old order, even our own ability to self heal, we allow established medical order to tell us we are helpless, poison us with their drugs, kill us off by the thousands with their very efficient means of doing so instead of healing us. Every now and then a human survives and they go oh look this worked. But in the meantime so many more die, or are living a life of poor health and paying a fortune to do so. Is this the kind of world you want your loved ones to live in?
Allow the winds of change to blow through you. Be open to it, for as you do, if you are open enough, the truth will become evident. If you do not and live and cower in fear, then mankind will have a hard time of it. The old order of controllers will win.
This statement makes me seem very off the wall, I know.
And often, I feel pretty lonely about it. There of a lot of others out there just like me.
Here to state what is actually going on, here to try and bring some sense to this series of events that are occuring at this point in time.
I also struggle with trying to keep a open hearted approach to all of it, and keep clearing my emotions as they come up. Not easy. My constant self talk to myself is about this.
I find having someone who is of like mind to talk to a comfort. But even there this can be difficult. Loved ones often just go into denial about this ongoing onslaught of fear inducing
events. My husband for instance. He simply won't even believe or really give me credence. I don't need the credence part, but it would be nice not to be scoffed at. It can make you question yourself, when you know damned well what you know is right on. Self esteem struggles.
I tell him at the first of the year, that it will be a tough one, and he sneers. I tell him that fuel prices will really go up and it will hammer at our fragile ecomony, he scoffs.
Yesterday, he was outraged and angry that fuel prices have risen. I didn't like saying, I told you so. I tempered what I said for his sake. And mine. Do I want to be angry with him?
You bet I did. But I just felt resigned at that point. Our relationship is strained enough. Not all his fault of course. I share the blame too.
I have not made a lot of inroads into trying to get him to understand or accept me in the areas that would have improved our thirty plus years of marriage. I often feel he goes from acting like he is indulging a half crazy wife to worrying about if the half crazy wife is going to leave him at some point. Either way he makes comments, gets nasty, wants to spend a lot of time doing what he wants, without me along.
Emotionally, this is a bit of a roller coaster ride for me, and it is exhausting.
I sat this morning and wondered how many millions of couples out there are going through the same pattern. Some people stay in relationships due to financial stability coupled with simply having someone to keep them from being lonely.
But in the end you can end up being lonely despite your best efforts. And often times feeling like you have no respect from the other person. Some relationships can get very lopsided with one person constantly taking from the other one. Emotional abuse can extract a heavy toll, one mental health person wrote a book on this calling it 'Gaslighting'.
Bullying, guilt tripping, manipulating the other partner can go on for years. There can be this terrible controlling drive that is an addiction for the abusive partner, which you have to feel for them, but not let it drag you down either. There is always something in the childhood of a control freak that makes them that way. Their homework is to come to terms with it.
Oh there can be good times, I won't guestion that, but it always comes down to this
total lack of compassion for what is done to the person who gets the abuse. So the abused have to learn to fight, to stand up and make it by learning strength of spirit. Not all of us out there have bruises, we don't get hit, but we do suffer as well. But we can get tough.
I have had to fight very hard to keep myself standing my ground. I work hard, I have fought with myself to stay. I own the house and land, and I have had to push to simply keep what I wanted here on track, and it has taken years and years, three decades to have better living conditions here, a place for a garden, dependable water, etc. But most people who know us, would have never guessed. I don't bitch about how it has been, not much.
At a couple of junctions in time, I was ready to throw in the towel. But I think having the events flow as they did, tossing me into the dark night of the soul, and then meeting my guides and being shown Love and what is to be gave me strength.
A gal who is kind of one of the 'newscasters' for the off planet groups who are watching all of this and us, stated that so many of us who are here as starseeds are still struggling with Emotional Clearing. I would say YES to that. We are, it is our homework. But it just never seems to stop, the final exam here is tough.
We are here, fully awake and aware, a huge amount of us, knowing what is going on, trying to be wayshowers, the steady ones, not trying to be someone's hero to save them, but to say stuff, like don't let fear drive your behavior.
And it is damned lonely. The Pledieans say we should not seek each other out and just hang out with only ourselves at this point, but to be immersed in humanity and let our
souls hold a frequency of Love. I am trying, I am trying, but my Heart just feel really damned lonely at this point.
My husband who is a major league 'gaslighter' managed to make a very happy loving friendship I have with another man into a awkward and stilted feeling affair.
Before this we spent time here and there alone, talking about the hows and why of what is going on in the Universe and on this planet.
I won't say how, but even if my husband doesn't conciously think on the whys and the hows of his behavior, there is a purpose to what he does. End result, I think this man is afraid to be alone with me. Why, because we enjoy spending time talking and the same things, I feel he is also another starseed, not fully awake but almost. But my husband didn't like it. He kept making comments. Doesn't matter that he does the same thing almost constantly with his woman friends.
So after a very stilted phone conversation, and my added confusion as to when he was coming on a certain day, due to the fact his girlfriend had made it sound like he was coming earlier. I only wanted to give a message about opening a gate. I got off the phone and felt a whole emotional image hit me.
I kind of got the impression he didn't want to be here with me without his girlfriend. And we had some road building planning to go over. I got tagged with it by my husband, but he couldn't be present, so he added another complication to the whole project, one I have never even known about. Neither did my friend. It amounted to more time spent walking around looking at this work. His girlfriend isn't in to walking too much. So I felt kind of confused on both counts.
Added to that, he had assured me that what my husband had said won't change his feelings about our friendship, or his with my husband. But that is not what I got out of my image.
I cried. Out of sheer frustration, and the knowledge that he feels uncomfortable alone with me. Because of what my husband said. Made a point of doing and saying.
So now I wonder on this part of my homework, how do I deal with this one?
I don't want things to be ackward, we need to get past this, I don't want to get into this sad little situation of feeling lost and not knowing what to do about it. He can't have his girlfriend here all the time he is working on the road.
I looked forward to talking, we have a lot there to talk about. His girlfriend, who I am very fond of, isn't too interested in a lot of it. Obviously neither is my spouse. But I never saw this one coming, and I was upset and now I am lost as to what to do. If he only feels comfortable with his girlfriend around when we are together, then my husband got his mission accomplished, in a very passive agressive action.
So back to the communicating with my guides at this point. And in the space of one short week, I have had other homework and advice giving surface. Along with it the knowledge that this period of time and all the upheaval will indeed shake many things loose. I hear and see so many things that make me so sad, but I know necessary for that person's growth. And I came to see for my growth too. Long hard looks are needed.
With myself, with others. I am mulling this over deeply. Sitting and smoking and being open to the guides, listening to them, trying to work with my own Heart, keeping it open, not allowing anger to enter and take over, not letting fear drive me into poor choices. But also being very objective and tough in my going over matters.
And at this point, I have to say being both a intuitive empath and a wide open pyschic can be a bitch. No going back, the guides are laughing. They say they thought I wanted this, I say, no, I wanted help learning to control it, to stop the onslaught of thoughts, images, and feelings that would floor me at times. What I got is way too much information, all the damned time.
Always knowing things ain't so great, let me tell you. I do so want to surround myself with others exactly like me and stay that way.
So for the time being, all I will say is for the rest of this year, have a plan for
yourself. States will continue to fall down with budget shortages, have yourself a thought for that. Food will go up in price. As I have previously stated, think on growing some produce, have some dry non perishable items stored, find ways to include some emergency survival items in your budget, make plans with family. Remember this could be a longer term emergency, so lots of items to heat and cook with, batteries for portable lighting, candles, matches, water. Some of you out there are dependent on almost everything else. Plan on camping out and looking out for your selves and your family, and hopefully extended family. This is safety in numbers I am
speaking of. The road is going to get bumpier. Trying to drive in a car will get more expensive on that road, so think of other ways to get around. Short trips for essentials might have to be only local. Such a catch word, think local, buy local, but a good one.
Work on your emotional health, don't blame others for what is going on, they are as at the mercy of it all as you are. Use your common sense, and try to keep your heart open.
Remember if you do not let fear drag you down, you can still say what you want, still see what you want while you are being frugal, and getting through this.
Love is the ultimate key here, think on it as much as you can. I am. My heart may be feeling a little sad and lonely right now, but it can still Love.
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