Learning the difference
So, maybe looking for my glasses soon. Even with enlarging the print, it is hard to type without major misspells .
Labor Day seems to mean work hard, even if it is a holiday. I am bringing plants in the house,
Out to the greenhouse, repotting, pruning watering, and still picking vegetables from the garden.
Years back, I went over a formula for becoming compassionate for people who you have issues with. Lessons to learn and agreements made before you come here with those you are learning with,
So you as an evolving being will see all sides that are evident causing many occurances
of issues and discord.
One thing in my ongoing lesson was why things never seemed to really resolve with certain people. I had worked thru my part, thought I was forgiving and moving on, feeling the compassion
Towards them for what they were still going thru.
But things never really changed. They kept running their little games, I got tired of it all, and stopped working on the whole forgiving, compassionate thing. Avoiding them like the plague, as it
was more than I had left to keep trying.
Now the guides finally answered my imploring them to give me a clue. Not simple, not
Easy. Just that confusing forgiveness, and compassion was the wrong thing to do.
Compassion for what someone has as lessons to go thru comes from understanding
The why of it, the how of it, and the when and where of it. Did I see that view?
Forgiveness is saying ok, we will let the issue become bygones, move past. Or hope
they won't do it again. Sadly not always so. Often happens again and again. Wearing you down,
Maybe bitter.
So did I see how this worked. And the big question the guides poised to me.
How much did I love myself. How much would I be able take of the continued behavior
Before it affected my own mental happiness and state of being?
This all because the other never will work on their issues, only want their own way
And control in situations where other persons may think differently on subjects. Resorts to
Really low tactics. Hurting what should be open honest interactions by lying and manipulation.
My outlook now is I see how the other has felt the imperative to operate so.
My compassion for them is they fail to see other options in front of them, so they never come to learn
to really trust others. They assume others have same motivation as they do. Which has led to a lifetime of contention, manipulation, and fearful distrust. Loving open heartedly is not an option for them.
I feel this sad compassion in my heart. I cannot do more. As for forgiving,
This is where my loving myself has to come in. I cannot put my happiness into one more
encounter thing will take the same course as before. I have changed too much. There is no hate
involved, indeed other emotional effort will not be needed. I have done that too many times.
Things need total revamping on a much higher and permanent level, often this is the case. One individual will go at a different rate than the other. And realize it. Love for other souls has to be really mindful of this.
So as I went along with this discussion the guides began to make sense.
I also did join a group of people raised in similar circumstances, and began to understand I was only part of what many other souls were going through.
I had many books to read, about myself, as a child, as the oldest sibling, about my place in the family dynamics, my family and my parents, my father in particular.
One book was very enlightening. Because things from the past have been dragged forward into present time. With the death of my mother, the death of my son, I had to lose the blinkers and admit the truth. There were dysfunctional relationships I had accepted all my life
as normal. This came to be my greatest hurdle and lesson of all.
My son understood this, sensitive soul as he was. The year
After 9/11. He and I attended a dinner at my parents house, where the angry discussions dominated
What should have been a birthday dinner, mine. I never knew how to get around the often overbearing political diatribes coming out of my father's mouth.
My son told me he never wanted to go to something like that again, he was so uncomfortable.
Yet I had heard so many similar things over and over, looking back , I see I was conditioned to it.
All my life.In the years since I broke down as many bonds placed on me by habitual attitudes from all my family, no matter how much I loved that particular person.
You see, they really were there for their own purposes not for my well being. They talk badly behind my back and others, which is called smear campaigning. Everything that goes on is to bring each personal positions near to the narcisstic parent, my father, he calls the shots, moves them as if all they are there for is his control, entertainment, and he seems so innocent. Yes he lies to achieve this.
So , it has been a hard journey. And working on myself, allowing the anger of all my years of
This dysfunctional disordered family bonds work itself thru. And after a big blow up, much said, intractable attitudes, I left my family.
To work thru it , clear on an emotional level, so I could move on. One last thing was done severing any ties. For I am happier moving on. This was my lesson, my learning about myself, my family.
And accepting that I have to keep growing, faster than I could with them in my life.
My road is not theirs.
Labor Day seems to mean work hard, even if it is a holiday. I am bringing plants in the house,
Out to the greenhouse, repotting, pruning watering, and still picking vegetables from the garden.
Years back, I went over a formula for becoming compassionate for people who you have issues with. Lessons to learn and agreements made before you come here with those you are learning with,
So you as an evolving being will see all sides that are evident causing many occurances
of issues and discord.
One thing in my ongoing lesson was why things never seemed to really resolve with certain people. I had worked thru my part, thought I was forgiving and moving on, feeling the compassion
Towards them for what they were still going thru.
But things never really changed. They kept running their little games, I got tired of it all, and stopped working on the whole forgiving, compassionate thing. Avoiding them like the plague, as it
was more than I had left to keep trying.
Now the guides finally answered my imploring them to give me a clue. Not simple, not
Easy. Just that confusing forgiveness, and compassion was the wrong thing to do.
Compassion for what someone has as lessons to go thru comes from understanding
The why of it, the how of it, and the when and where of it. Did I see that view?
Forgiveness is saying ok, we will let the issue become bygones, move past. Or hope
they won't do it again. Sadly not always so. Often happens again and again. Wearing you down,
Maybe bitter.
So did I see how this worked. And the big question the guides poised to me.
How much did I love myself. How much would I be able take of the continued behavior
Before it affected my own mental happiness and state of being?
This all because the other never will work on their issues, only want their own way
And control in situations where other persons may think differently on subjects. Resorts to
Really low tactics. Hurting what should be open honest interactions by lying and manipulation.
My outlook now is I see how the other has felt the imperative to operate so.
My compassion for them is they fail to see other options in front of them, so they never come to learn
to really trust others. They assume others have same motivation as they do. Which has led to a lifetime of contention, manipulation, and fearful distrust. Loving open heartedly is not an option for them.
I feel this sad compassion in my heart. I cannot do more. As for forgiving,
This is where my loving myself has to come in. I cannot put my happiness into one more
encounter thing will take the same course as before. I have changed too much. There is no hate
involved, indeed other emotional effort will not be needed. I have done that too many times.
Things need total revamping on a much higher and permanent level, often this is the case. One individual will go at a different rate than the other. And realize it. Love for other souls has to be really mindful of this.
So as I went along with this discussion the guides began to make sense.
I also did join a group of people raised in similar circumstances, and began to understand I was only part of what many other souls were going through.
I had many books to read, about myself, as a child, as the oldest sibling, about my place in the family dynamics, my family and my parents, my father in particular.
One book was very enlightening. Because things from the past have been dragged forward into present time. With the death of my mother, the death of my son, I had to lose the blinkers and admit the truth. There were dysfunctional relationships I had accepted all my life
as normal. This came to be my greatest hurdle and lesson of all.
My son understood this, sensitive soul as he was. The year
After 9/11. He and I attended a dinner at my parents house, where the angry discussions dominated
What should have been a birthday dinner, mine. I never knew how to get around the often overbearing political diatribes coming out of my father's mouth.
My son told me he never wanted to go to something like that again, he was so uncomfortable.
Yet I had heard so many similar things over and over, looking back , I see I was conditioned to it.
All my life.In the years since I broke down as many bonds placed on me by habitual attitudes from all my family, no matter how much I loved that particular person.
You see, they really were there for their own purposes not for my well being. They talk badly behind my back and others, which is called smear campaigning. Everything that goes on is to bring each personal positions near to the narcisstic parent, my father, he calls the shots, moves them as if all they are there for is his control, entertainment, and he seems so innocent. Yes he lies to achieve this.
So , it has been a hard journey. And working on myself, allowing the anger of all my years of
This dysfunctional disordered family bonds work itself thru. And after a big blow up, much said, intractable attitudes, I left my family.
To work thru it , clear on an emotional level, so I could move on. One last thing was done severing any ties. For I am happier moving on. This was my lesson, my learning about myself, my family.
And accepting that I have to keep growing, faster than I could with them in my life.
My road is not theirs.
Comments
Post a Comment